I love advertising because it makes me laugh. Much funnier than the so-called “comics” in the paper. The ads that suggest a particular car will increase your sexual encounters, wines that make you appear rich and smart or ten thousand dollar watches no one wears because the cell phone in your pocket has a clock.

What’s with the ad in the Spectator for Belvedere Vodka? Two night-clubbing heroin addicts under a piano after the fire sprinkler’s have let loose? He’s wearing a Mason’s emblem around his neck? I don’t get that one. Is it aspirational? My most recent laugh I got from an ad popping up in the right column of some web page.

Don't Buy a Winery

Start your own winery with Crushpad Commerce instead

www.crushpadwine.com

Whew! Thanks! That was a close one. I was thinking of selling the house, cashing in my IRA’s, the kid’s college funds and robbing several 7/11’s just for the down payment. Now I can drop just six to ten thousand dollars in a barrel and get my name on 300 bottles of wine. Cool. No vines, no work, no hassle. I’m still laughing however.

I think it’s a great idea. One that’s sure to cash in on the “romance” of being a winemaker, but my ten grand, for the present, is staying in the bank. If you’re one of the lucky ones that this economy hasn’t affected enough to curtail dropping ten big ones, I say go for it. Looks how much you’re saving by not buying the vineyard!

For the rest of us still yearning for the prestige of having those bottles with your nom-de-plume attached, I have an offer that will save you thousands. I will provide you with 25 cases of drinkable wine, a printer and cheap software to create that label with your dog and kids on it and you’re friends will be wowed. Just $750 plus handling. Guaranteed. Just make sure to recycle the boxes and get the old label scratched off cleanly. Maybe Trader Joe’s will take the boxes back?

My ad will read, “Don’t Buy a Winery, Pay the Rent!”

A guy named Jimmy from Pennsylvania is apparently scamming wineries in NE, PA, OH, IL and IA. Just like a criminal to not aim too high. If you're going to risk time in the big house I'd at least hit some Napa producers, sheesh. Loser. No disrespect meant to the fine wine producers of NE, PA, OH, IL and IA, but really, wouldn't be easier to shoplift from the state store in the next county?

Hi everyone -
I wanted to pass this along because this person called us and we found out later that he has scammed other wineries in several states. His name is James Schwartz from PA. At one time he had been arrested by the police and they found a lot of wine and wine baskets at his house, but he is back to his old tricks.

James Schwartz calls up wineries telling them he purchased wine from them last year with "CASH" and he is very dissatisfied. He tells different stories. Sometimes he wants his "CASH" back or will take wine or gift basket replacements sent to him to cover his losses. Of course, he has no receipts!

Examples: 1. He poured all 3 bottles of the wine into a decanter and it was full of sediment and tasted bad.
2. He found an eyeglass screw in the bottom of a bottle.
3. He bought 20 bottles of wine that were either flawed or had large amounts of sediment.

He has scammed wineries in NE, PA, OH, IL and IA that I know of. My husband is going to contact the FBI because he believes this is a Federal matter.

Holly Swanson
Cuthills Vineyards

Jimmy, you douche. Large amounts of sediment? Tasted bad? What kind of oenophile are you? Sediment can be a good thing and NOBODY just says "it tasted bad." Try "cat pee" or "barnyard" aromas. It's disturbing the class of criminals you get these days.

A three bottle decanter? That's a water-cooler bottle Jimmy. When they find this guy let's have his brain placed in the A.B. Normal collection.

GLEN CARLOU

Grand Classique 2004

We have played with this little blend a few times through the years. At its best, it’s a pretty fair mimic of a Bordeaux, right down to the blend of 45% Cabernet Sauvignon, 35% Merlot, 10% Malbec, 7% Petit Verdot, and 3% Cabernet Franc. It sees 24 months in French oak, as well, 40% of it new. The two notable differences are a little bit of iron-like minerality in the finish, which is distinctly, but not obtrusively South African, and of course the price. The fruit is black currants and mulberry with elements of potpourri, cloves, and dark chocolate. Medium weight, sleek but also plump and engaging, this is one South African winery that understands how to translate well into the mainstream yet still keep its terroir identity. A fine value in a pretty user friendly style with a little bottle age vis-a-vis most other options in this price range. . . .12.99 Buy at Winex.com

One of the great many things I like about wine and wine collecting is the experience of "ASPIRATION." There's always something else to "aspire" to.

A new wine to drink, a great wine to collect or something like this.

Is this cool or what?!






For a mere thirty grand, you can have this sunk in your kitchen and have your wine at a perfect 55 degrees just a couple of steps down.

I'd want a powered door of course and an escape tunnel at the bottom that lead to my speed boat out on the lake. Those would probably ratchet the price up a couple of zeros, but as long as I'm "aspiring", what the hell. Go for it.





Imagine the fun of heading down to your local wine merchant, with a truck, and filling it up with a great selection of your favorites and a bunch you haven't the slightest idea what they are.

Ah, the blissful dreams of aspiration...

Ok, I do want world peace, a healthy planet and the end of disease and hunger first... but as soon as I get those handled...I'm getting me a spiral wine cellar. Oh,oh! Cheese too!


Man, this is going to be great. Make note: Must sell screenplay.

I really don't have any reason to publish this photo again. So I made one up and this is it. It demonstrates such a basic truth in advertising. Now not everyone may find this photo that interesting, but I'm pretty damn sure if you are a man, it communicates a message that you find hard to ignore. The colors, the pout, the body position, the tease of lingerie peeking out. Damn. This photo represents the power of the female so... wonderfully...opps, my objectivity slipped. I have no frickin' idea what wine or product it's selling, but it's likely I'd buy it. Brilliant.

Apologies to all my Feminist friends. I am, after all, just a man.

It's Mother Nature's fault, bless her.

KIONA ICE WINE 2007-
Yakima Valley

This is a sensational ‘sweetie’ with superb purity and precision. And unlike most of those great German and Canadian ice wines out there, it’s produced from Chenin Blanc. We know Chenin isn’t what you would call a staple variety in eastern Washington and it’s not the first grape one would think of when looking to make a traditional ice wine. But for whatever reason, these Chenin grapes grown on the slopes of Red Mountain have produced a fine-tuned, citrus and tropical fruit- tinged dessert wine with excellent freshness, wonderful clarity and a long, nectary finish. It’s no fluke either as these folks have done it before. For the price you’d be hard-pressed to find a better one. $19.99 Buy This Wine from Winex.com

Can you believe it's already 4076? Where did the time go? Come Monday, January 26, you can move the calendar on your desk up a couple of thousand years. Hope the refrigeration in the wine cellar worked, 'cause I'm gonna have some awesome aged red wines.

This is good news for those of you born in the Rat, Rabbit or Rooster years. Not so good for you Dragons and Tigers. (Personally I was born in the Year of the Metal Rabbit, whew!) I like the Chinese horoscope characters. You can eat them.

Looking at recipes for pairing ox, they cover what you'd expect. Ox Tail of course, ox liver and other assorted ox parts. My favorite, Ox Eyes, turns out to be a egg and toast combo that those jokers the Scottish cooked up. Pairing ox eyes would have been a challenge. I'm thinking maybe a lot of cheap red wine swallowed immediately after ingesting the beasties orb, then quickly moving on to the standard menu. Metal rabbit? I'll pass.

A Rice Wine and ox pairing that seems to work comes from the China Daily newspaper.

Ox won't plow until given wine (China Daily)

An ox refuses to plough fields until it's given a bottle of rice wine in a farm in Qingxin county, Guangdong province. The owner surnamed Liu said his workhorse had been addicted to alcohol for years. The ox usually works harder after it drinks the wine, said Liu, 61, a heavy drinker himself. The Guizhou native began feeding his beast rice wine five years ago, borrowing the idea from local bullfight organizers who use wine to fire up their charges. In the beginning, the ox didn't like the wine and used to vomit, but gradually grew to like it and now won't work without it. Liu now has to prepare several bottles of wine before any plowing gets done.

Wait 'til PETA gets wind of this!

That ox and I seem to have had the same drinking experience growing up. Weird.

Kudos to blogger, http://geek-lifecomic.blogspot.com/. To share this self-introspection is what clears the road of the rest of us. Be well, man.

If you listen real carefully you might hear the faint ghosts of beaujolais mixing their magic with the oak that surrounds you. Have a bottle first, it'll help.

The De Vrouwe van Stavoren Hotel in the Netherlands salvaged four wine casks from Switzerland and converted them into rooms.

Formerly filled with 14,500 liters of Beaujolais wine from the French chateau, each now holds a modest two-person room with standard amenities and even an attached bathroom and sitting room.

Visitors from all around the world have traveled to the quaint northern port town of Stavoren to stay in one of these upcycled rooms. I wonder if they have "Barrel Service?" A nice cheese platter would be perfect.

Very cool. I want one for my backyard. Me and the dogs often are banished to the "dog house" and this would work just fine.

ADELAIDA PINOT NOIR

School House 2006

A lot of folks will tell you that Paso isn’t Pinot country, but this wine delivers varietally in a way that is uniquely its own. School House is crafted in a riper style with a somewhat jammier demeanor to the cherry, rose petal, pepper, and spice flavors. It is however a very satisfying beverage that got a lot of attention from tasters in a lineup with a lot of wines costing twice as much or more in our last Pinot Noir event. It comes entirely from the winery’s 40+ year-old vines on the HMR vineyard harvested at about 1-2 tons per acre. The winery itself refers to this wine as “eccentric”, but we see it as a tasty, more chunky version of the genre that works nicely. $16.99 Buy a Bottle Now (or you'll have to stay after school.)